Sunday, 27 April 2014

I fell off the wagon. Give me a kick up my huge backside! Please!

Hi Folks,
Today's post is a lot more personal than my usual ones. 
You may have read some of my earlier posts regarding The Harcombe Diet. If not, and you are interested, you can read a bit about the diet here and read about my weight loss here. I was doing so well with this way of eating and had never felt better so what went wrong?

Well, I shall be totally honest here, I suffer from depression. On a day to day basis I think I manage it pretty well but every now again the big, dark cloud descends. This happened to me about 5 weeks ago. The problem is, when this dark cloud engulfs me, I hit my self destruct button. 
It started with 1 bar of chocolate... 
The demon in my head thinks "what's the point in trying to lose weight? You'll still be the same useless you, just a slimmer version, so you may as well give up." 
So give up I did - for 5 weeks. 

Please don't misunderstand me, I haven't been in that dark place continually for the last 5 weeks but I have been falling in and climbing out of it. I tried each day to get back on the diet but each day the pull of chocolate, bread, crisps, etc seemed to overtake me.
I had awakened the sugar monster and it needed feeding! And feed it I did! Mainly chocolate or biscuits but also crisps and bread. I had missed bread and pasta lots but the odd thing was, when I ate them again I was really disappointed. They seemed to lack flavour, same for potatoes. Perhaps my palette had changed after all. Sadly I still love and enjoy chocolate so it hasn't changed completely. 

Anyway, I haven't dared weigh myself for weeks but this morning I woke up and thought "enough is enough" I need to get back on the wagon. I gingerly stepped on the scales and my "blip" has resulted in me gaining 4.2lbs. To be honest, I think I got off lightly considering my terrible diet recently. 4.2lbs in 5 weeks (which encompassed Mother's Day, my birthday and Easter) isn't THAT bad is it? 

However, the weight gain isn't the only thing that has changed.
All my pre-diet problems are back:
Scalp Psoriasis
Wind (sorry!)
Just generally feeling "bleugh".

I cannot believe it has taken me 5 weeks to wake up. But I am there now and, although that dark cloud is still hovering, today I am getting back on plan.
The reason for this self indulgent post (apologies) is because I want to hold myself accountable. If I put it "out there" on the internet then hopefully it will help me stay on track.
I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!

Today I am writing this whilst sipping my cup of decaffeinated green tea and soon I shall be having bacon and tomato for breakfast. I know the first 5 days are the toughest so wish me luck.
I plan to report back regularly, again holding myself accountable.
If you managed to read this far, well done and thank you. I CAN do this, I WILL do this, I NEED to do this!
Again apologies for this self-indulgent post, it is my way of giving myself a huge kick up the backside, feel free to give me a gentle kick too!
Have a good day and I hope I do too.
Take care,
CJ xx


  1. I feel your pain, I do exactly the same thing. Im on a constant "trying to diet" kick, but when you crave certain things I have to give into that craving. My worst things are cake and bread. I would eat them for breakfast, dinner and tea if I could. We just have to keep trying and one day we will get there. Sending love and hugs xx

    1. Thanks Zoe. I'm still fighting to stay out of that dark place and not had a great week, but I will get there. Hugs back xx

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