Sunday, 27 April 2014

I fell off the wagon. Give me a kick up my huge backside! Please!

Hi Folks,
Today's post is a lot more personal than my usual ones. 
You may have read some of my earlier posts regarding The Harcombe Diet. If not, and you are interested, you can read a bit about the diet here and read about my weight loss here. I was doing so well with this way of eating and had never felt better so what went wrong?

Well, I shall be totally honest here, I suffer from depression. On a day to day basis I think I manage it pretty well but every now again the big, dark cloud descends. This happened to me about 5 weeks ago. The problem is, when this dark cloud engulfs me, I hit my self destruct button. 
It started with 1 bar of chocolate... 
The demon in my head thinks "what's the point in trying to lose weight? You'll still be the same useless you, just a slimmer version, so you may as well give up." 
So give up I did - for 5 weeks. 

Please don't misunderstand me, I haven't been in that dark place continually for the last 5 weeks but I have been falling in and climbing out of it. I tried each day to get back on the diet but each day the pull of chocolate, bread, crisps, etc seemed to overtake me.
I had awakened the sugar monster and it needed feeding! And feed it I did! Mainly chocolate or biscuits but also crisps and bread. I had missed bread and pasta lots but the odd thing was, when I ate them again I was really disappointed. They seemed to lack flavour, same for potatoes. Perhaps my palette had changed after all. Sadly I still love and enjoy chocolate so it hasn't changed completely. 

Anyway, I haven't dared weigh myself for weeks but this morning I woke up and thought "enough is enough" I need to get back on the wagon. I gingerly stepped on the scales and my "blip" has resulted in me gaining 4.2lbs. To be honest, I think I got off lightly considering my terrible diet recently. 4.2lbs in 5 weeks (which encompassed Mother's Day, my birthday and Easter) isn't THAT bad is it? 

However, the weight gain isn't the only thing that has changed.
All my pre-diet problems are back:
Headaches
Spots
Bloating
Scalp Psoriasis
Lethargy
Wind (sorry!)
Just generally feeling "bleugh".

I cannot believe it has taken me 5 weeks to wake up. But I am there now and, although that dark cloud is still hovering, today I am getting back on plan.
The reason for this self indulgent post (apologies) is because I want to hold myself accountable. If I put it "out there" on the internet then hopefully it will help me stay on track.
I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!

Today I am writing this whilst sipping my cup of decaffeinated green tea and soon I shall be having bacon and tomato for breakfast. I know the first 5 days are the toughest so wish me luck.
I plan to report back regularly, again holding myself accountable.
If you managed to read this far, well done and thank you. I CAN do this, I WILL do this, I NEED to do this!
Again apologies for this self-indulgent post, it is my way of giving myself a huge kick up the backside, feel free to give me a gentle kick too!
Have a good day and I hope I do too.
Take care,
CJ xx


2 comments:

  1. I feel your pain, I do exactly the same thing. Im on a constant "trying to diet" kick, but when you crave certain things I have to give into that craving. My worst things are cake and bread. I would eat them for breakfast, dinner and tea if I could. We just have to keep trying and one day we will get there. Sending love and hugs xx

    zoea2812.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Zoe. I'm still fighting to stay out of that dark place and not had a great week, but I will get there. Hugs back xx

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